My biggest fear is security, or rather, the lack of it. I believe everyone is insecure in one way or another, but me? I’m an emotional epidemic. What doesn’t help is the fact that I’m female, which makes me more prone to projecting my insecurities outwardly compared to half of the worlds’ population (which are male).
No, I am not discriminating my gender, It's a bloody fact.
Knowing that I did a good deed makes me happy.
I remember there was once I was walking around in the city and I saw a child beggar on the street. He was barely 5, and obviously didn’t have enough clothes to keep him warm (it was winter) He was sitting on damp newspaper that was laid on the side walk. His clothes were dull an old, they looked as if they’ve never been washed. He had puppy dog eyes (for all those who don’t understand this term, please ah, I’m NOT calling him a dog).
You know how at times you just zone out from the world? Like how people can say they don’t remember driving home, but then they got home and their cars were perfectly parked? Or how at times we just walk around; with our minds completely blank, but in the end we still reach the proper destination? Well that was exactly the situation I was in that day when I saw that child beggar. I only came to my senses when I was about 4 blocks away.
I looked into my handbag for some inspiration (yes, that was bimbotic). I see a lollipop I had taken from the hotel as a snack for the train ride home. I get all gung-ho and take a speed walk back to the little boy. I’m praying that he hasn’t ‘changed locations’. When I see him a block away, I actually get scared. I don’t know why. It takes me a while to sum up the courage to bend down and pass him the lollipop. He accepts the lollipop from me. His reaction wasn’t what I expected. Instead of the “Wow-a-lollipop-I-haven’t-had-this-in-ages” expression I was hoping for I got a “why-are-you-giving-me-a-lollipop-instead-of-cash” expression. And from a 5 year old kid!!
Anyway, minus that slight loophole, my walk back to the hotel was the best walk I have ever taken.
The most difficult hurdle I’ve overcome and am still overcoming so far is…… *my period*
Guys, I am NOT joking. This is serious stuff. Having blood splattered out from your ‘down there’ has to be the most disgusting, non-human feeling ever. It’s like,
And the cramps! OH GOD, the cramps! If giving birth is the most painful thing in the world, period cramps are the most horrid” (okay, a pinch of exaggeration there). And the mood swings (or more popularly known as the PMS syndrome). It’s bad that I’m such an insecure being on normal days, but when the PMS comes, I become Cruela De Vil. I transform into another being (think Transformers).
What has this experience thought me?
-To count my days. So at least I can keep the people around me prepared.
I’m now going to tell you a secret.
It’s something I have never told anyone. And I have a lot at stake- my huge ego. So here goes nothing….
There I said it. No turning back. I said it, and I won’t say it again.
If my dad shouting at me, telling me I’d either move out or stay imprisoned in the house is counted as a choice between my friends or family, then yeah, I’ve experienced it. And it’s kind of obvious which choice I chose.
Why chose family over friends you ask? (Stupid ah?)
-because my family knows who I really am (self-centered, egoistic me) and yet they accept me
-because I don’t think anyone else can give me better advice than my mom
-because my dad makes me feel like life is worth living
-because my sister is the most adorable, fat thing ever
-because they provide me the doe (in a very sad attempt to sound like a ganster)
So yeah. Family 1st people!
Next on the list, I’m asked to “tell us more about yourself”
Okay honestly now, do you guys really want to read paragraphs about me rambling about myself? I mean yeah, I can be a self-centered bitch at times but this is just beyond the “ilovemyself’ radar.
I think I’ll leave this part out if you don’t mind. Keep reading my post and I’ll let my personality shine from there.